Microwave Ovens don’t have Gas Settings You Plonker – Ditch Johnson Please

By Tommy Sheridan

I watched Boris Johnson live launch his Tory Party election campaign in Birmingham from just before 8pm on Wednesday night. If there is such a thing as a decent Tory (a bit like a unicorn – everyone has heard of them but no one has ever seen one) surely even they must have been holding their heads in dismay and shame that such a bungling, blundering and insincere idiot like Johnson is now leading their party.

He spoke in incoherent riddles and displayed the confidence and assuredness of a first time comedian in his first public gig trying out material which deserves to be shredded forthwith. Even his bussed in band of supporters behind him were struggling to comprehend the waffle frothing from his lips. Many were obviously on my wavelength wondering if his arse was growing green with envy at the amount of shit flowing from his mouth.

This is a guy who wants to lead a nuclear armed United Kingdom. He wants to secure the power to command the armed forces and order military interventions overseas. He wants to be in charge of the 5th largest economy in the world and be responsible for the National Health Service across England and all the schools and nurseries that are vital to educate and develop children into thinking and compassionate students. Yet in reference to his hastily cobbled together Brexit deal, which has been roundly condemned as even worse than Theresa May’s deal, he said it was “oven ready” and all that was required was to:

“Whack it in the microwave gas mark 4”….

For Fuck Sake… a potential leader of one of the most powerful nations on the planet thinks microwave ovens have a gas setting!!! If I was to make this up people would scoff and accuse me of political bias but with Johnson there is no need to make things up he opens his mouth and his own words expose him as the inept, incompetent idiot he is.

If politics was not so serious this would all be hilarious but it’s not. It’s about the future of the health service; The future of your child’s education; It’s about real jobs with proper pay; Affordable housing for all; Economic growth based on solid and just foundations of fair taxation of individuals and corporations; In other words it is about adult and mature issues which are quite frankly beyond the grasp of the spoiled immature brat that Johnson is and always has been.

Watching Johnson and assessing even the last 48 hours of Tory behaviour brings to mind the lucid words of former Labour Health Minister, Aneurin “Nye” Bevan and the celebrated Scottish author, the late Iain Banks.

Jacob Rees-Mogg is a human reprobate. An individual bereft of empathy for fellow human beings because he arrogantly believes himself to be a superior species, a cut above the rest of us. He has attracted appropriate opprobrium for his disgusting comments about the Grenfell tragedy in 2016 when 72 human beings, 18 children among them, died in a tower block fire that should have been contained routinely but for the cheap and inappropriate cladding which was attached to the block like a blanket and acted like a fire accelerant equivalent to fuel. It was a Tory council implementing Tory cuts that took the decision to clad that tower block with highly flammable materials. It was therefore a preventable tragedy that is entirely the responsibility of the Tories.

Yet that Victorian twit Mogg sat in a comfortable London radio studio the other day and effectively called the Grenfell residents daft for following Fire Brigade advice and staying within their flats during the fire. It was the right advice in every other tower block fire and given in the professional manner expected from men and women who daily risk their lives to save others.

Little did they know the building was not safe, didn’t meet building regulations and was wrapped in highly flammable cladding materials? Mogg said it would have been “common sense” https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50302573 to flee from the burning building implying the residents of Grenfell lacked such ‘common sense’.

The survivors of Grenfell, the relatives of the deceased, the Fire Brigades Union and anyone with a morsel of moral fibre and at least half a brain cell immediately condemned the crass, insensitive and outrageous comments. This guy is second only to Johnson in the UK Parliament pecking order. He should resign or be sacked.The BBC lamely called it a “gaffe”. It was no such thing. It was the considered view of a rich and privileged moron who let slip his true thoughts only to frantically back pedal within 24 hours.

A fellow Tory moron attempted to come to Mogg’s rescue and managed the impossible feat of making matters worse. Andrew Birgen MP suggested Mogg made the comments and would have ignored the official advice because he was “cleverer” than the Grenfell residents https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/andrew-bridgen-grenfell-jacob-rees-mogg-interview-apology-radio-4-a9187126.html.

Consistent with Mogg’s claim that lack of “common sense” was the problem another Tory twat suggests they are effectively stupid. Seventy two people died horrible deaths. Eighteen of those who perished were children. Yet these are the comments of elected Tory politicians with leading roles in that party!!! It is a stinking sewer of inherited privilege, arrogant self-belief in their own importance and complete disregard for the reality of life for the majority of ordinary people. They are woefully out of touch with real lives and real people.

This morning their Party Chairman, James Cleverly, was wriggling like a fish on a hook as he was outed for doctoring a Good Morning Britain interview with Labour’s Keir Starmer which made it look like he froze on camera and couldn’t answer a question. Instead of admitting the error and moving on Cleverly lied repeatedly about what happened. It wasn’t ‘doctored’ it was ‘edited’. It wasn’t. It was doctored. ‘It was too long so we shortened it’. It wasn’t and they didn’t. ‘It was clearly a spoof video’. It wasn’t and even their own MPs later apologised for circulating it as they thought it was for real.

After being embarrassed on ITV and BBC the brave Cleverly then side-stepped the Sky News interview and was ‘empty-chaired’ by the presenter Kay Burley. These people in the mainstream media are natural allies of the Tory party as they all form the comfortable elite, the loyal British Establishment. But sometimes things become so bad and clearly wrong that even they have to expose the deceitful and dishonest Tories at play.

The Mercury Award winning rapper Stormzy called out Mogg for his disgraceful Grenfell tragedy comments:

“Oi, Jacob Rees you need to resign you’re an actual piece of s**t I beg everyone watch this – MP Jacob Rees Mogg in a nutshell saying Grenfell Victims should of had the common sense to escape. I can’t believe the cheek f***ing hell these politicians are actual aliens.”

“This scumbag is saying “well boy you lot are dumb to of listened then” can you imagine ?!!!! Oi get this p***k out of here these man are scumbags and they are wicked and evil.”

“Bare of you politicians are evil and wicked and this is why we hate you 72 (??) people died in a tragedy that you people are to blame forhttps://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/grenfell-stormzy-slams-scummiest-jacob-20817344.

Stormzy articulated the thoughts of millions with his straightforward and appropriate comments. Rees-Mogg, Birgen, Iain Duncan Smith, Johnson, Priti Patel, Cleverly and the whole bloody lot of the Tories are scumbags for how they treat and talk about ordinary working class people and families. Nye Bevan was right in 1948 on the eve of his launching of the National Health Service:

“That is why no amount of cajolery, and no attempts at ethical or social seduction, can eradicate from my heart a deep burning hatred for the Tory Party that inflicted those bitter experiences on me. So far as I am concerned they are lower than vermin. They condemned millions of first-class people to semi-starvation.”

Iain Banks was also right in his last book ‘The Quarry’ written weeks before dying of cancer in 2013 he had one of the main characters say of the Tory party:

“I’m not arguing there are no decent people in the Tory party. But they’re like bits of sweetcorn in a turd; technically they’ve kept their integrity, but they’re still embedded in shit.”

If you didn’t already know it after ten years of cold, cruel and callous Tory austerity that has claimed in excess of 120,000 lives prematurely, reduced the living standards of millions, forced over 5 million children into the swamp of poverty and led to record numbers of homelessness and street deaths among the homeless then you should know now after the Rees-Mogg comments that if you squeeze Johnson, Mogg, Patel or Yellow Tory Swinson the abhorrent pus of Thatcherism will ooze like pungent scum from the very pores of their bodies.

Making honest mistakes in life is part and parcel of growing up and living. We are all guilty of dodgy choices at one time or another. But choosing to vote Tory is even more unforgivable now than ever. Don’t do it. Please. Be human, act human and show compassion. Never vote Tory.

Posted in Tommy Sheridan's Columns.

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